Being charming is the skill of having an attractive personality. Learning how to be charming can take anyone, including the most socially awkward dude to a whole new level.
So what is being charming? Being charming, or having charisma, is the skill of making people like you and can inspire devotion in others. Its simply being attractive, flirtatious, and connecting with people on a personal level.
Can charm be taught? ABSOLUTELY. Charm is not an all or nothing skill. You can be taught to be more charming and use part of this super power in your everyday life.
You can turn on the charm with anyone. Guys, girls, old friends and new friends. You can learn how to be charming with anyone and just about anytime.
But it’s MUCH MORE than just this.
Being charming starts when you first meet somebody. Even if you already know each other, you have the opportunity to be charming.
The tips below on how to be charming are core to being a gentleman so if you practice these tips, you will improve your personality and character in many different ways too.
Being charming is often a tool used by people with poor character to try and sell you something or cheat you in some way. This is creepy and should not be done.
There is another problem with being charming. Sorry to say this but “nice guys” are often not seen as charming but rather unattractive and submissive, and you cannot be charming without first being attractive. We can overcome this with the 12 tips below.
Good news, attractiveness goes way beyond physical appearance so just about anyone can improve their charming skill. To learn how to be charming, just follow these 12 tips.
12 Tips on How to be Charming
Always be Funny
This is the number 1 skill in being charming, and the biggest factor why women fall in love with guys. Simply make other people laugh.
This is not as hard as it sounds and just requires practice. The simple trick I use is to make fun myself and the stupid things I did when I was young, most true stories (and some made up). If you need help, watch any Rodney Dangerfield movie.
So why is humor so important to charm? It makes other people feel good when they are around you.
Laughter releases stress from the body, leaving you feeling relaxed, while also releasing endorphins in the brain. If you’re able to make a woman laugh, you’re able to make her feel good. If you can do that, she’s going to like you!
But its not all about telling jokes all the time. You need to engage with other people and make them feel good about themselves using your humor.
The key is to be playful and fun, and not come off as cocky or arrogant in anyway. Practice in small doses with friends and family and this will improve over time.
Show Confidence, Never Arrogance
Confidence is at the core of every charming guy, and he displays this with everything he does. You can feel it in his handshake, is his tone when he speaks, and in his eyes when he looks at someone.
Confidence is attractive.
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and you must learn the difference. You need to have a great grasp of your abilities, but never boasts of your success.
Smile! With Your Eyes…..
Learning to have a real smile is something you cannot fake, there are just too many non-verbal ‘tells’ that go along with a smile to be able to reproduce on command.
Having a Real smile is critical in your charm game.
By smiling, you are instantly engaging an individual and bringing them into your world in a friendly and warm way. A smile is quick, easy, and free. And the best of all, smiles make people feel good.
The best approach is really enjoy being with the other person and having a natural smile that extends to every part of your body, including your eyes.
Smiling with confidence is critical to give the right impression and to tell others that you are not their to sell them something, but to just enjoy their company.
When you smile with your eyes, it all comes down to what you are thinking and feeling at the time. If you convince yourself you are happy, funny, confidence, and genuine, your body language will give the 100 or so muscle movements to support that feeling and the other person will feel it too.
Always be true to who you are or who you want to become. Your values and principles make your character and your character is everything. Truth wins out.
Being genuine is being honest about who you are and showing other people you are genuine and honest, and not trying to sell them something. It is also accepting who you are and just being yourself.
You need to take a good look inside and make sure your character is up to the task. If you are a crappy person and only care about yourself, it will show, and no one will like you, so make sure you fix yourself and not just cover it up with lies.
Also, when you are genuine, you can tap into subjects that you feel passionate about, and the excitement and emotions will shine through, making you more attractive. Everyone loves a passionate person.
Show a Little Vulnerability
No one is perfect and showing your vulnerabilities will make other people feel more at ease with their insecurities. This is when you can make a true connection with someone else which is critical in learning how to be charming.
Charming people willingly admit their mistakes, and when done with a little humor and humility, will improve their charisma in the process. No one is perfect and no one should ever pretend they are perfect. Never be afraid to be vulnerable when connecting with someone else.
Poking fun at others will not raise your value. It’s never OK. However, the ability to laugh and poke fun at yourself is a great way to show that you’re comfortable in your own skin, you have a good sense of humor, and you are well-grounded. Just don’t go overboard or else you’ll look like you’re insecure or fishing for compliments.
Naturally Full of Positive Energy
Sometimes we all want to hate the optimist in the room, but in the end, we secretly want to be more like them AND be around them more. Why? Because their positive attitude and optimism rubs off and makes us happier and more positive.
This is not easy to change.
While reading a book the other day, I learned about a fascinating statistic about what makes us happy in life. I learned we can only control 50% of our happiness, which means the other 50% of our happiness is out of our control.
I find this very hard to believe!
This theory is presented by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky and is called the “happiness set point,” in her book, The How of Happiness. In this book, she suggests that:
- 50% of happiness is genetically predetermined
- 10% is due to life circumstances
- 40% percent is the result of your own personal outlook
If this is true (or partly true), then what can be done to improve your happiness since we have limited control over our genetics?
I cover this is a separate article called “What Makes Us Happy in Life“.
Give Praise, Never Gossip
What you say about others says everything about your character.
There is a very common saying. “How you do something is how you do everything”. If you talk about someone negatively, you will talk about everyone negatively. If you praise someone, you will praise everyone.
“How you do something is how you do everything”
When you are putting on the charm and start engaging them in conversation, it is critical that you don’t talk negatively about anyone else. Instead, only talk about the sincere, good things about others.
Doing this will give them the impression you are always positive, friendly, and can be relied upon to speak favorability about them to others. This will make you more likable and attractive.
Remember, learning how to be charming is all about being agreeable. If you can focus on consistently searching for agreement and common ground with others instead of contradiction, you will instantly make friends and be more likable, which is key to being charming.
Talk Less and Listen More
Most people just love to talk about themselves. They feel it’s the best way to impress others, tell great stories and let your ego shine. But nothing is further from the truth.
When interacting with others, make sure that you learn to listen. When you learn to listen, you will be amazed at what you actually hear. Yes, there’s a significant difference between listening to someone and actually hearing him. Sometimes listening actually means paying attention to things that aren’t being said, which includes body language.
When you want to impress other people and be more charming, you want the other person to talk about themselves. Since most people love to talk about themselves, they will remember your conversation very fondly.
Follow these 8 simple tips to improve your listening skills.
- Demonstrate Your Listening Skills By Paraphrasing.
- Listen To Understand.
- Make Consistent Eye Contact.
- Adopt An Open Posture.
- Ask Open Questions.
- Remember Past Details.
- Show You’re A Good Listener By Nodding.
- Communicate Active Listening With Mirroring.
Are Mindful in Conversation
Being mindful when talking with other people is simply putting 100% of your focus in the conversation and in the moment you are having with someone. Being distracted or looking at your phone is not charming.
The key thing I always do when having a mindful conversation with someone is to put myself in their shoes and understand their point of view. This allows me to empathize with them and connect on a whole new level. This is what good friends always do.
Being mindful is also not judging the moment or person but accepting them and their story for what it is. People do not like to be judged and you will be seen as more attractive and likeable if you can be more understanding.
When responding to someone, avoid responding with a similar personal experience. This is your ego in action, always wanting to talk about you and your life.
Instead, let the other person know you understand and reply with an open ended question to get them to continue to talk about their story and their situation. This will make it all about them and in the end, will help you seem more engaged and charismatic.
I am absolutely terrible at remembering people’s names. My brain operates differently as I like to take in the big picture before remembering the details. Non the less, this is something I have been working on for years and have gotten much better at doing right.
If you forget someone’s name, never try and fake it. Apologize for your mistake and ask them for their name. Never try and excuse your mistake, just own it and move past it.
I personally think its rude not remembering someone’s name, and charming people are never rude. In order to get better at this skill, you just need to remember a few simple rules.
6 Tips to help remember someone’s name:
- Focus on the person when you are introduced.
- Repeat their name aloud.
- Ask an interesting question and relate the question to their name.
- Repeat his or her name silently in your head
- Make a vivid association between their name and the conversation.
- Use their name when saying goodbye
Give these tips a try next time you need to remember someone’s name and see if it helps you as much as it helped me.
Compliments also make people feel good, so give compliments freely. When somebody gives you a compliment, you immediately like them better.
The same is true for the reverse. Practice giving compliments, but also practice receiving compliments. Don’t just brush them off; instead, respond with a ‘thank you’. When you give a compliment, your charisma instantly raises.
Remember complements can and are often given too freely and sometimes falsely. Be truthful and spares with most complements and they will be taken more sincerely.
Mind Your Manners
Proper manners are always in style and fundamental in being charming. You must always be on your best behavior, know how to make a toast, how to use a napkin, and how to use the cutlery. Remember to always leave the napkin in the chair when leaving the table.
Having good manors is probably the simplest thing to do, if you truly care for other people. When you care about others, then you will never offend them and naturally go out of your way to make them happy. This is the purpose of manors.
Learn never be vulgar. The words you choose to use will say a lot about your character and personality. A gentleman never offends and therefore never will use bad language or say offensive things.
This is also extended in your clothes, actions, and thoughts. If what you are wearing, thinking, and doing will offend someone else, then don’t do it. Simple.
Charming people treat everyone the same way: as deserving of respect and kindness. A charming person believes respect is given to everyone, and it doesn’t need to be earned first. Even if someone clearly has shown you disrespect, a charming person will always rise above the situation and continue to show the highest level of respect to everyone. Its just in his nature.
Do you consider yourself to be charming? If you’re charming, you’re going to be able to develop and cultivate more opportunities and relationships. You will be able to command the attention of anyone and be more successful in anything you do.
When you meet somebody new, go into the interaction with the attitude that you’re already friends. Have you ever heard the saying, “He’s never met a stranger”? This mindset is what I’m talking about. Go into every interaction as if you already know the person. Talk to them in that manner, and make sure you do it with a smile, and follow these 12 steps on how to be charming.
I believe that every charming guy must first start out as a proper gentleman. Being a gentleman will instill the charismatic basics of manors, hygiene, and character. For more information on being a proper gentleman, please visit my other articles; 18 Tips on How to be a Gentleman and 21 Rules to Being a Gentleman.
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